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  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    46

    You know you drink too much coffee when...

    Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
    You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
    You can jump-start your car without cables.
    You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
    You can't remember your second cup.
    You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
    Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
    Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
    You don't sweat - you percolate.
    You grind coffee beans in your mouth
    You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
    You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
    The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
    Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
    Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
    Cocaine is a downer.
    All your kids are named "Joe."
    When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
    You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can
    ~ Lori

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    NORTH CAROLINA
    Posts
    9
    Thanks for the laugh!

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    17
    hahahahahaha i like the last two the best ^^

  4. #4
    GCS
    GCS is offline
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    21
    Great jokes, hmmm... a coffee jokes section of the forum sounds like a good idea to me... I mean they have a Latte Art section....

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    1
    I wasn't aware that you knew me..... and why does my coffee cup have indents from my fingers.


    " Will only drink High Test or Rocket Fuel grade Java "

    Loved the Humor

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Fishersville VA
    Posts
    10
    LOL very good, did this originate with you?

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Milwaukee, WI
    Posts
    1,157
    Quote Originally Posted by campingfriends View Post
    LOL very good, did this originate with you?
    Check the date of the previous posts... I don't think you'll get an answer.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    207
    Hahahaha. Those are funny. I remember seeing them from somewhere else before, but I remember a longer list so I googled them:

    You answer the door before people knock.
    Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
    You ski uphill.
    You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
    You speed walk in your sleep.
    You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
    You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
    You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
    You sleep with your eyes open.
    You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
    The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
    You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
    You lick your coffeepot clean.
    You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
    You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
    You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
    Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
    You chew on other people's fingernails.
    The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
    Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
    You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
    You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
    You can jump-start your car without cables.
    Cocaine is a downer.
    All your kids are named "Joe".
    You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
    Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
    You don't sweat, you percolate.
    You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
    You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
    You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
    You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
    You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
    Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
    You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
    People get dizzy just watching you.
    You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
    The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
    Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
    Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
    You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
    People can test their batteries in your ears.
    Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
    Instant coffee takes too long.
    You channel surf faster without a remote.
    When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
    You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
    You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
    Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
    You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
    You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
    You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
    You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
    You get drunk just so you can sober up.
    You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
    Your Thermos is on wheels.
    Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
    You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
    You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
    You short out motion detectors.
    You have a conniption over spilled milk.
    You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
    Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
    You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
    You don't tan, you roast.
    You don't get mad, you get steamed.
    Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
    You can't even remember your second cup.
    You help your dog chase its tail.
    You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
    Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
    You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
    You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
    Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

    from:
    You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....
    My cheerful disposition is brought to you today by a STRONG cup of coffee.

  9. #9
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Near Philadelphia, PA
    Posts
    4,775
    Thanks for the list.

    I had to laugh when I read this one: You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

    We have a customer in the cafe who comes in so often and hangs around so much that people think he works there. He buys several cups of coffee while he's there, and he welcomes people as they come into the cafe, he opens doors for people, helps mothers with their baby carriages, and gives people directions on how to get places. He's almost become one of the crew. He gets all caffeined up, and he leaves a good tip, and then he's off to do whatever he does for the rest of the day (retired). I'm thinking of buying him a Christmas gift when I buy them for the rest of the employees.

    Rose

  10. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    32
    Good one! I like it because i grind my coffee beans with my teeth! Lol.

 

 
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