Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Serbia, Pozarevac
    Posts
    6

    Cool The almost finished song I posted here in 2011 :)

    As you may know I posted the beginning of my song I wrote in 2011 and some of you guys replied with feed back that really means to me. Usually when I write a song, and I wrote a lot, I come to a thought that I don't like it and just write a new one, without even knowing what others think of it, but when I get feed back like I did from you guys, I really think it's good.
    Here's the finished version, though I can always polish it. Tell me what you think about it, what part you like the best and if you don't like some parts, tell me so I can work on them.

    Every morning it puts me to bed.
    Every evening it makes me stay up late.
    Don't know why but I feel attached,
    Maybe it's caffeine and it's effect on my brain.
    I don't know if I should stop,
    I'm not addicted just have a special bond.
    I like the bubbles my coffee makes,
    When I drink it cold it freezes my brain.


    My coffee knows me, It passes by the stories I can never retell.
    I know it loves me, just see the warm greet it gives me everyday.


    The smell is really mezmerizing.
    You'll feel like a sun that's rising.
    No more forgetting your wallet at home.
    When you always buy coffee in the nearest shop.
    Though you might feel bad,
    If you miss your daily doze.
    But you can always trick your brain,
    With some coffee flavored candy cones.

    It knows to anger me a little,
    When my coffee jar is empty.
    My neighbour doesn't drink it,
    So no use for asking.
    Most days I get by with one or two,
    But when I get to spend the night with you, I could drink a few.


    My coffee knows me, It passes by the stories I can never retell.
    I know it loves me, just see the warm greet it gives me everyday.
    Again and again, I find myself in the same old place,
    WIth my favorite mug in my hand.

    That's the song without some repeating of the chorus or added words on some parts. Thanks again for the feed back and I expect to hear from you again and see your opinion of my song!

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    417
    I think you need something in there about mama, pick-up trucks, guns, trains, and getting drunk. If you want to make it into a great country song that is!

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Serbia, Pozarevac
    Posts
    6
    When I saw your comment I just had to post you my song against Hill Billies and/or Rednecks. So here you go:

    From the start when I wake up, I grab a beer and ask my wife: "What's for dinner this time?"
    She calls me a lazy ass and throws a shoe at my face.
    It's not my fault that I don't have a job!
    In my favorite chair I sleep all day, smoke a few and
    take a shot. Something might be on the radio.
    My beer belly's fine and my poker chips are lined.
    Now I'm getting some money for sure!


    Yeah, I don't like charities.
    Yeah, only watch CMT and TCM.
    Now I'm bored as fuck again.
    Got no money and no car,
    I hope my wife will pay the rent this time.


    I've got a friend named Billie who comes to visit every day.
    Drink a dozen kegs when he's around.
    We do stupid stuff right then, but no one ever takes the blame.
    Who even labeled that as wrong?
    We ride dirt bikes on almost every road,
    and even bring mud to our home.
    My bathtub is bored, but my water bill is good.
    I hope my seven kids don't mind the smell.


    Yeah, I don't like charities.
    Yeah, only watch CMT and TCM.
    Now I'm bored as fuck again.
    Got no money and no car,
    My wife will pay the rent this time.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    417
    You're gettin' there. That's pretty good stuff.

    If you need additional inspiration listen to these two songs and then get to writing. These are the "gold standard" when it comes to country music:

    You Never Even Called Me By My Name (David Allen Coe): David Allen Coe You Never Even Called Me by My Name - YouTube
    He Stopped Loving Her Today (George Jones): George Jones - LIVE "He Stopped Loving Her Today" - YouTube

    By the way, how popular is country music in Serbia?

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Serbia, Pozarevac
    Posts
    6
    Sadly not so much. Older people here are into rock and old pop and the newer generations are just awful with new music like techno, hip-hop, Serbian folk. Though there are a few of us who listen to good music.
    Thanks for the feed back.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    14
    Quote Originally Posted by WrongEnough View Post
    As you may know I posted the beginning of my song I wrote in 2011 and some of you guys replied with feed back that really means to me. Usually when I write a song, and I wrote a lot, I come to a thought that I don't like it and just write a new one, without even knowing what others think of it, but when I get feed back like I did from you guys, I really think it's good.
    Here's the finished version, though I can always polish it. Tell me what you think about it, what part you like the best and if you don't like some parts, tell me so I can work on them.

    Every morning it puts me to bed.
    Every evening it makes me stay up late.
    Don't know why but I feel attached,
    Maybe it's caffeine and it's effect on my brain.
    I don't know if I should stop,
    I'm not addicted just have a special bond.
    I like the bubbles my coffee makes,
    When I drink it cold it freezes my brain.


    My coffee knows me, It passes by the stories I can never retell.
    I know it loves me, just see the warm greet it gives me everyday.


    The smell is really mezmerizing.
    You'll feel like a sun that's rising.
    No more forgetting your wallet at home.
    When you always buy coffee in the nearest shop.
    Though you might feel bad,
    If you miss your daily doze.
    But you can always trick your brain,
    With some coffee flavored candy cones.

    It knows to anger me a little,
    When my coffee jar is empty.
    My neighbour doesn't drink it,
    So no use for asking.
    Most days I get by with one or two,
    But when I get to spend the night with you, I could drink a few.


    My coffee knows me, It passes by the stories I can never retell.
    I know it loves me, just see the warm greet it gives me everyday.
    Again and again, I find myself in the same old place,
    WIth my favorite mug in my hand.

    That's the song without some repeating of the chorus or added words on some parts. Thanks again for the feed back and I expect to hear from you again and see your opinion of my song!



    "Wrongenough" there is a great opportunity 4 u in Indian market................atleast try it..,,,,

 

 

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