View entire thread: Coffee Jokes
Posted by jimmyboy on 2006-08-07 14:38:04 Post Subject: Re: Coffee Jokes
Why Coffee Is Better Than Men
A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. You can always warm coffee up. Coffee comes with endless refills. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning. You can make coffee as sweet as you want. Coffee smells and tastes good. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back. They have coffee at police stations. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup. INSTANT COFFEE!
Yeah...this one has women written all over it. Nice title change.
-------------------------------------------
78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there are only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Richard Simmons thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You cry over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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Posted by jimmyboy on 2006-08-07 14:38:04 Post Subject: Re: Coffee Jokes
Why Coffee Is Better Than Men
A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. You can always warm coffee up. Coffee comes with endless refills. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning. You can make coffee as sweet as you want. Coffee smells and tastes good. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back. They have coffee at police stations. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup. INSTANT COFFEE!
Yeah...this one has women written all over it. Nice title change.
-------------------------------------------
78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there are only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Richard Simmons thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You cry over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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View entire thread: Arent fully automatic machines a waste?
Posted by ericwuchina on 2007-12-26 00:31:58 Post Subject:
My point to this topic, it is easy to do (have hot water bypassing the coffee cake in piston), but it will costup the machine, because it need powerful bolier and some other relative update. Now in auto coffee maker industry, there are lots of machine have two boilers, they can provide continuesly hot water with small temperature lost.
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Posted by ericwuchina on 2007-12-26 00:31:58 Post Subject:
My point to this topic, it is easy to do (have hot water bypassing the coffee cake in piston), but it will costup the machine, because it need powerful bolier and some other relative update. Now in auto coffee maker industry, there are lots of machine have two boilers, they can provide continuesly hot water with small temperature lost.
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View entire thread: Is it a sign that I drink way too much coffee ....
Posted by cuppED on 2006-05-22 12:33:55 Post Subject:
78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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Posted by cuppED on 2006-05-22 12:33:55 Post Subject:
78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You ski uphill.
You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can jump to the moon.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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View entire thread: What do you like to EAT with your coffee?
Posted by jkp on 2006-06-13 14:38:57 Post Subject:
Coffee cake or an egg bagel with cream cheese.
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Posted by jkp on 2006-06-13 14:38:57 Post Subject:
Coffee cake or an egg bagel with cream cheese.
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View entire thread: What do you like to EAT with your coffee?
Posted by manual_drip on 2006-07-09 16:46:53 Post Subject:
baclava, cheesecake or nut bars, coffee cake/sweet breads, cake, or pie and ice cream
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Posted by manual_drip on 2006-07-09 16:46:53 Post Subject:
baclava, cheesecake or nut bars, coffee cake/sweet breads, cake, or pie and ice cream
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View entire thread: What to do about campers and electric...
Posted by Davec on 2008-03-15 15:11:31 Post Subject: Re: What to do about campers and electric...
1) Should I let them plug into an outlet?
2) How do others handle this?
3) Does anyone limit the time someone is in their cafe?
4) Am I being unreasonable?
1. No, as you could be considered liable for any damage to their equipment or injury to their person allowing them to use your electrical outlet. e.g. a voltage surge damages their equipment...it's your fault! they electrocute themselves....your insurance company doesn't want to pay out. etc..
Simply have a sign that says for Health & Safety and Insurance reasons, we cannot allow people to plug in their own personal appliances into our electrical system. if then someone plugs in, politely point out the policy and ask them to unplug their appliance, if they won't politely ask them to leave the premises.
2. I have seen signs like this in business premises. I also think it's reasonable to expect someone not to camp for hours, usually this is achieved by increasing the discomfort level e.g. Keep approaching them asking if they would like another coffee, cake, sandwich etc.. If it gets busy and they are occupying a table, ask them if they could move to a stool at the coffee bar to make room for a group, clear away the free papers, keep washing their table etc..
3. on a practical level it's a difficult thing to do
4. Nope and if ever I need a place to sleep....I shall come and buy one coffee, you do allow sleeping bags at the table don't you?
P.S.
Perhaps you need some of these
http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/pick-you ... index.html
or a sign like this:
http://www.ibiblio.org/Dave/bac-008.htm
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Posted by Davec on 2008-03-15 15:11:31 Post Subject: Re: What to do about campers and electric...
1) Should I let them plug into an outlet?
2) How do others handle this?
3) Does anyone limit the time someone is in their cafe?
4) Am I being unreasonable?
1. No, as you could be considered liable for any damage to their equipment or injury to their person allowing them to use your electrical outlet. e.g. a voltage surge damages their equipment...it's your fault! they electrocute themselves....your insurance company doesn't want to pay out. etc..
Simply have a sign that says for Health & Safety and Insurance reasons, we cannot allow people to plug in their own personal appliances into our electrical system. if then someone plugs in, politely point out the policy and ask them to unplug their appliance, if they won't politely ask them to leave the premises.
2. I have seen signs like this in business premises. I also think it's reasonable to expect someone not to camp for hours, usually this is achieved by increasing the discomfort level e.g. Keep approaching them asking if they would like another coffee, cake, sandwich etc.. If it gets busy and they are occupying a table, ask them if they could move to a stool at the coffee bar to make room for a group, clear away the free papers, keep washing their table etc..
3. on a practical level it's a difficult thing to do
4. Nope and if ever I need a place to sleep....I shall come and buy one coffee, you do allow sleeping bags at the table don't you?
P.S.
Perhaps you need some of these
http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/pick-you ... index.html
or a sign like this:
http://www.ibiblio.org/Dave/bac-008.htm
Back to top | view poster's profile