Alien Abduction - A javahead serial ...

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light cream on top

Ah Biscotto I am quick. Did you think I would miss your reference to light cream saber on top? What else would you put on top, but whipped cream and a cherry. And a nice Lemon Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti on the side.

But the real question is, what under the cream? That is a real mystery.


P.S. as to casting, I think for MakoShark, Gene Hackman. Yes. Jack Nicholson might be good for Biscotto. I'm not sure about DavidsBiscotti though....
Oh Man!

Dateline: Franconia, New Hampshire, USA, North America, Earth

Abduction advances!

As evidence weary soldiers, view this photo taken at grave risk:

This is the sad picture of what was the venerable "Old Man of the Mountain" near Franconia, New Hampshire. You can see an overlay which depicts what the rock formation once was. Very sad.


But what is now so disturbing is this latest capture taken by Caffe Biscotto, working under cover, of the NEW FACE! The Aliens are taking over our rocky formations! LOOK!


It can only be a matter of time before this NEW MAN breaks away from the rock face of the mountain, and advances down the mountain ... toward Caffe Biscotto's location!

Biscotto, pack up the biscotti ovens and head for the hills! Or Ecuador if that suits you.

We've come to expect these cannibals to lurk around coffee roasters and brewers. We've built our defenses and have come to find a level of coexistence with them. They would lull us into complacency.

But never take for granted their ultimate aim, to mine the White Mountains of New Hampshire of fine quality granite! Yes, that's what I said - Granite!

More on this to come ...

Biscotto, find Forest Gump ... and run!

Granite Rock Face ...

It has become deathly quiet again. Amazing it is when a huge coarse of rock moves down a sloping mountain face... and makes not a sound.

Cafe Biscottoooooooo ... are you there. I'm being almost silent when I whisper your name. The Hulk is coming your way. If CCafe can't tempt you with free coffee samples, then the Granite Hulk will simply crush you like an ant!

Are you there? Have you been building your defenses? This rock is big enough to crush half of the auto plant next door! Think of the community devastation. You must rise up!

:-DI'm being loud now! :eek:

Biscotto! Wake up! Look up!

Jan 18, 2008
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Mako, I can't help it. Topher's coffee has put me under a weird alienlike trance. I can't stop grinding the fresh aromatic beans from various origins in my cool little manual coffee grinder. I do it, not because I don't have enough already ground for tomorrow morning, but because of the sounds of the crunching beans between the burrs of the grinder, going round and round.

Also, I have a visitor from Ecuador now and she's also being taken in by the powers of Topher's beans. If only I can get her off the cream and sugar.... :D
Just when I brought the Granite Man to life...

You mean, rest in pieces ....

I will work on an ending, but no promises on leaving the door open for a possible sequel some time in the future. CCafe just might get sucked in once again.

Closing #1

So, we will need a finish to our little saga of Alien Abduction. Oh yes, it was only fiction. FICTION! If some of you have been tuning in here, getting up to the minute reporting on the state of the resistance movement, it's all been a ruse. A canard. As far as I know there are no aliens (such is the completeness of their entrenchment in our world).

But, alas CCafe is bringing the tale to an end. And so now we must find a fitting finish. A little closure so we can sleep at night. Nightmares should be avoided at all costs.

So, here's closing #1. Let's call it the Harry Chapin close. He sang about it many times. As far as we know, he was no Alien:


"... you see the man that told me all about it on the bus, on the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania... well he shrugged his head, shrugged his shoulders, and said... and this is exactly what he said... he said, "Boy, it shore mushta been shumptin, jusht imagine thirty thousand pounds of BANANAS! Thirty thousand pounds of MASHED BANANAS!"

Insert Aliens for Bananas.
It could work.

Closing #2

It is a bright, sunny, pleasant morning here in Centauria. The poppys seem just a little taller today. There's a light sprinkling of yellow pollen floating in the air, waiting to be inhaled with glee by a passing fauna delight. The hedgehog is playing with the mongoose, the mongoose is playing with the cobra. Everything seems just right.

This is a life of the unknowing and unseen from Alpha Centauri. This is what was really going on in Topher's Nikes that fateful day last spring when the trio returned from their sojourn; at the Twin Cities for SCAA. The green ooze was really an unknowing and unseen civilization. And their host was ... and is Topher.

Topher is at this moment depositing the colony into Lake Simcoe, near Oshawa. You see, the assimilation of earth humans is nearly complete. True, the cannibals of the abduction are consuming all CoffeeForums members and other humans as well. But they are merely the thugs of the real invasion.

Yes, the real goal of the Centaurians is to make way for their takeover of planet Earth. For that to happen they need to be rid of all humanity on Earth. That's where the Scary Cannibal Alien Argonauts come in. They are the bulldozers of the landscape, to make ready this pristine environment for their new home.

And what of the Earth Humans? There has been discussion on this serial that clones have appeared in their places. This is true to some extent. There was need to create the facade that all was normal. And the cloning of humans made most others unsuspecting.

But Centaurians are a generous and welcoming race. The truth: the essence of humanity that existed within each Earth Human was transformed into that of a Centaurian animal. Yes, a reincarnation of sorts, Earth Humans continue to exist on their Home Earth. But in the bliss of the Unknowing and Unseen.

Just a little more yellow poppy pollen, if you please.

And now, a word about our moderator ...

** Sidebar **

And now, a word about our moderator ...

I would just like to take this opportunity to mention a person named CCafe on the forum, that is really a very nice guy. Kind, considerate, the sort of fellow who can make a mean dog cry.

In case anybody has gotten the wrong idea about CCafe (myself included), it deserves to be mentioned. Fair and faithful, he is. Thank you.

Jan 18, 2008
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*Fair and Faithful yes. But also, Feared by mere human men beings.*

And now, the finale of our favorite coffee roasting alien clones story:

"Alien Abduction - A javahead serial"
by MakoShark of Coffeeforums

- from the Scary Crazy Alien Argonauts chronicles -
Alien Coffee Chronicles - Final

At long last, a close to the events of these last several months.

A finish to Alien Abduction - A Javahead Serial

There is no need to recap these chronicles. We’ve all experienced the utter horror together. It’s a coffee story gone hay-wire. Consider the profiles of the alien clones: Topher, CCafe and Steve Kessler. Coffee was their life, but soon they became Scary Cannibal Alien Argonauts; Coffee Roasting Weapons against Humanity.

The pull of the powerful Centaurians was tremendous. They would certainly have attained their goal, to wipe planet Earth clean of all Humanity. However, a pure and intrinsic truth exists inside of all true coffee connoisseurs. Indeed, each of our noble coffee pioneers retained the essence of Caffé Truth, even as clones. For a clone must contain some remnant of its original host. The germs of Arabica and Robusta continued their slow burn inside our heroes, even as the clones they inhabited worked their roasters, drawing in unsuspecting Earth Humans for consumption.

The essence of Caffé Truth in each of them first brought them back into control of their minds, then eventually into control of their clone bodies. As human awareness returned, so did the understanding of what was happening to Planet Earth. Their minds watched the deeds their bodies performed, as controlled thugs of the maniacal Centaurians. Evil ooze!

Not very remarkably, it was the spouses and partners of the clones that eventually brought human control back to the roaster clones. As most relationships work, there is a continuous tug and pull that occurs within each couple. The partners noticed a definite difference in tolerance to nagging. It was the nagging that shone light on the clones.

But it was the Essence of Coffee, Caffé Truth that brought the spirit of the roasters back to their spouses. If not for this aura of sorts that brought them through, their spouses would surely have been consumed. No clone can take all that nagging!

This scene played out, not only with our three intrepid travelers, but with all coffee roasters, world-wide. The spouses nagged. The true coffee connoisseurs revived. The advocates of poor coffee ate their wives. Brutal. But through it all, Earth eventually returned to the Human inhabitants once again.

Poor Caffe Biscotto’s bakery was a casualty in the end. You remember the Granite Rock Face that slid down from Franconia Notch? It did land right on top of David’s Biscotti in Pittsfield, MA. Fortunately, the Rock Face was inhabited by a rather voluptuous lady roaster clone, by the name of Ladonna. Lovely Ladonna! Mr. Biscotto and Ms. Ladonna are now enjoying Bunches of Bodacious Biscotti together in neighboring Stockbridge. And they make beautiful music together. Nagging and all.

There is a moral to this story. Beware, oh you many mediocre coffee purveyors. You know there is money to be made by cutting costs on aged green and low quality floor sweepings. But those of you who escaped the ravages of the nagging wives (and didn’t eat them in the process) may find yourselves inhabited someday by the insipious green ooze. That is a hell you don’t ever want to experience.

As for me, MakoShark is constantly swimming, hungry and looking for prey in his waters. Remember, No Finning. Words to live by.

Be well.

Caffe Biscotto


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Feb 28, 2008
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Hi MakoShark and Caffe Biscotto,

This thread has been very entertaining! But all good stories must come to an end.

Just think....if you ever decide to give up your coffee/bakery have lots of other talents that you can fall back on. Do you remember the success story of Matt Damon and Ben Afleck when they got together and wrote the screen play for "Goodwill Hunting?" Perhaps the same good fortune is in store for you.

Who knows, we may actually meet you both in person at one of your future book signings or even the premier of your first movie. This may be the start of something big!

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