Living with someone that doesn't share your passion for coffee

janry

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Dec 16, 2013
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Nashville, TN
I love my wife and have done so for almost 29 years but she does not have my passion for coffee. This can lead to trouble sometimes. Before I retired, coffee at home for me wasn't a big deal. I almost always waited till I got to the office to make some coffee in a French Press or I'd drink the office swill. Sometimes, I'd stop a coffee shop and get a cup to have on the road. But since retirement I've tried to take my home coffee up several levels. I don't think my wife fully appreciates it.

A few months ago, we dropped by a little shop that sells cookware but they also sharpen knives so my wife took some knives there to be sharpened. When we walked in, the shop smelled very much of coffee. It seems one of the owners buys big bags of roasted coffee in bulk and then sells the coffee in smaller bags sealed only by the twist-tie things. My wife said "Let's buy some of this coffee", and I told her there was no telling how old this coffee was but the owner came over and bragged on how good this coffee was. I just about cried as my wife bought a couple of small bags of the stuff. OK. Fine. Now, she only drinks coffee 2 or 3 times a week and when she does, she puts some kind of flavored cream in it. Quite insulting to me. But the first time I made some of the coffee for her, it was the definition of stale. But because of the cream she puts in it, she thought it great. I only used the coffee from this shop when she wanted some. I cringed every time I sipped it. Finally, it was gone. Whew!

I told her to please never buy coffee from them again and so far she hasn't. But, even I have some weakness when I walk down the grocery store aisle that has the coffee. I love the smell and the packages are so shiny. But, I resist and wait to buy locally roasted coffee. Not my wife. A couple of weeks ago, she went to the grocery store and came back with a bag of Gevalia. OK. Fine. When she wants coffee, I use that stuff. After the 2nd time she asked why I didn't make her coffee from the other beans I had. I told her from now on when she buys coffee on her own, she has to drink it and as long as it is in the house, she can't have the good stuff.

How about it? Do any of you live with coffee peasants?
 

peterjschmidt

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Oct 10, 2013
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Milwaukee, WI
Happy wife, happy life.

I don't recall, whether or not you roast coffee yourself, but that could be your next mountain to climb.

There is no wife under this roof currently, so there's no one to curb my coffee fanaticism. But I tell ya what, I would give up coffee in an instant if the choice was a great wife (like yours seems to be) or great coffee.
 
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namballe

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Aug 24, 2012
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Lima, Peru
you're fortunate enough to have a spouse that likes coffee. my wife has never touched the stuff. (tea drinker). i wouldn't judge her too soon. let her try some of the coffee you like, and ask her opinion. everyone has different tastes.
 

H14

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Dec 29, 2013
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Happy wife, happy life.

I don't recall, whether or not you roast coffee yourself, but that could be your next mountain to climb.

There is no wife under this roof currently, so there's no one to curb my coffee fanaticism. But I tell ya what, I would give up coffee in an instant if the choice was a great wife (like yours seems to be) or great coffee.


I've only been here for a short time but I've done a lot of reading and this is the best post I've read yet.

Janry, I agree with peterjschmidt, if you're not already roasting your own beans maybe start and get her involved in the process. She might discover a passion for coffee she didn't know she had.
 
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janry

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Nashville, TN
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I don't recall, whether or not you roast coffee yourself, but that could be your next mountain to climb.

I haven't talked about it here, but I did experiment with a hot air popcorn popper. While I thought I got acceptable results and found it interesting, I really feel that as long as I have good local roasters who have experience, training and superior equipment, I should support them. The other thing I found interesting is how long the aroma lingered in the neighborhood. Though our neighborhood is fairly flat, our house is situated in about the lowest spot in our neighborhood. It seemed I could smell coffee all day even after I showered and changed clothes. Not that I mind it but I don't want to annoy the neighbors needlessly.


you're fortunate enough to have a spouse that likes coffee. my wife has never touched the stuff. (tea drinker). i wouldn't judge her too soon. let her try some of the coffee you like, and ask her opinion. everyone has different tastes.

Oh, I want her to enjoy the coffee but I also don't want to throw out coffee. I feel as though she has to learn the hard way not to buy crap coffee. Before she bought this last bag, I had some Daterra Farms Sweet Blue roasted locally. I loved it and she said she thought it was great. Then she goes out and buys the Gevalia probably because they've been advertising so much lately. I've grocery shopped with her before. She is an impulse buyer and I'm sure she saw their coffee and remembered the TV commercials. A 12 oz. bag of coffee will last us more than a week so every time she buys a crap bag of coffee, it reduces the good stuff I can get and I don't have that many year left before I'm drinking nursing home fake coffee. :)

It just means more coffee for you. Buy her a nice bottle of wine instead.

It means I have to drink more of the crap coffee she buys. :(


Seriously, it is a minor issue. She is great. She doesn't go shopping for new clothes, or personal items often. She is happy with her 14 YO car. Her most expensive vice is she wants to go to about 10 plays each year. Her frugalness is the reason I was able to retire before I hit 60.
 

eldub

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Mar 28, 2012
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I'm still not sure why you have to drink the crappy coffee your wife buys unless you are too broke to buy your own.
 
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janry

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Nashville, TN
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I'm still not sure why you have to drink the crappy coffee your wife buys unless you are too broke to buy your own.

I only drink it when she also wants coffee and then I do it because I don't want to make two pots; one for her and one for me. And while I could make separate cups for each of us, I take it as a challenge to do the best I can with what I have so I drink the same thing I serve her so I can adjust it for the next brew.
 
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eldub

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Mar 28, 2012
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There is only so much adjusting one can do with crappy beans.

I would buy a clever dripper or other pour-over system so you can enjoy good coffee when you want it. I'm guessing your wife will soon want to have what you are drinking. At that point, she might just stop buying crappy beans. Especially if she thinks you are drinking something better. If you continue to consume her swill, she has no motivation for changing her buying habits, imo.
 

cestrin

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Jul 19, 2013
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Tempe, AZ
To answer the immediate question in the thread, my girlfriend doesn't really care what I roast, she drinks it just the same. I have been roasting for ~10 months now and have tried almost every different origin of coffee I can find (per Sweet Marias). I ask her how she liked the coffee and I usually get the same type of response of "It was good!" which is fine. When I ask her which is her favorite she comments that she doesn't remember the difference between them. Short of roasting a bunch of different coffees and having her try them all at once, after I have been drinking all of these coffees I can DEFINITELY tell a difference between them. Sumatara vs. Kenya vs. Guatemala, etc. She just doesn't have the same affinity to trying to taste the different flavors and notes and remembering what she likes.

I want to roast origins that both of us like. Until she tells me "This is my favorite coffee", I'm going to roast what I like. It is a little frustrating...

I love her to death, though, so I keep on keeping on!
 

eldub

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Mar 28, 2012
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cestrin: Not every person has the same level of sensitivity on their palate. (It's genetic.) If she's not complaining about what you are roasting, I'd just feel free to pursue your passion and stop trying to please her. (it sounds like she likes your selections just fine.)
 

PinkRose

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Feb 28, 2008
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I'm hoping that when the day comes that she doesn't like something that you've roasted, she'll let you know.

You may want to consider making a grading chart for her (and you). Ask her to give each new coffee a grade between 1 and 10. But don't get into a discussion about it or try to influence her "grades" as you go along. She may start paying attention to the taste differences if she knows she'll be giving it a grade. Then you may be able to zero in on a few coffees that she really likes more than the others.
 
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kboom1

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Nov 27, 2011
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NE Pennsylvania
My wife of 18 years never touched a drop of coffee for the first 10 years that we were married, said she didn't like the taste or the smell. Until I started to roast my own then it all changed. She loves the smell of roasting coffee, go figure. In the winter she even allows me to roast in the basement so the smell wafts up though the vents. She's even tried her hand at roasting a time or two. I finally got her hooked on espresso (based drinks) about a year ago. The only complaint I get from her now is at tax time when she sees how much coin I drop on new equipment & greens in a years time.
 

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